Saturday, October 9, 2010

AT&T You Suck

Oh AT&T I was so delighted
A new small business
Who wouldn't be excited
Two phone lines you said
And the internet too
What you said- 
I said
And now?
And now -
A big f#%& you!
(To me)
It's been a year and a half now
On my third sucky plan
To change anything is impossible
I'd be better off talking through a can
Never any managers
Or history of my calls
Telling me that I have a great plan
You people sure have balls
So maybe you won't talk to me
Passing me around for over an hour
So here's my little present to you
With your great big telephone towers
Every month I write a check to you
With a look of disdain on my face
That's my hard earned money 
You pieces of s$%&!
Do you know how many cookies I have to make?!!
To pay for no customer service
(That one really pisses me off)
And a plan that I hate
But have no way to change 
Because there's never a boss
So thank you AT&T
For all that you've done
This is my way of repaying you
And it sure has been fun

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The Sugar Monkey-10 months in the life

Ten months have past since my last post.  I feel like a deadbeat dad.  Or like Lindsey Lohan's dad who only shows up when it is convenient for him.  So what can I do but grovel and give you my list of excuses for not showing up.

1.  Why I missed Thanksgiving - Again, I am so sorry you had to buy that pie at Costco.  It won't happen this year, I promise.  I was very busy in November.  The West Palm Greenmarket was in full swing and I had an order for 500 favors along with all of the holiday tarts and cakes.  My favorite was a gingerbread torte with caramel pears and orange confit.
2.  Why you still haven't recieved your Christmas present - A. I really didn't even have time to get you one, but I knew what I wanted to get you!  B.  Gift baskets, gift baskets, gift baskets, and yule logs, and Parisian macarons topped off with a few holiday parties!  Can't wait for the chocolate yule log this year.  I love the little chocolate decorations that adorn them!
3.  No kiss on New Year's?  Don't be jealous.  I was asleep before the new year was even rung in.  I knew I would have one slow week the first week of January to try and catch a little shut-eye before everything hit the fan!  And then lots of individual desserts, cupcakes, and favors out the wazoo!  Loved the tiny blue Parisian macarons filled with chocolate ganache.
4.  Oh, my sweet sweet Valentine - Please tell me there is no explanation needed here!  And a box of the handmade white chocolate mendiants will have you lovin' me all over again.
5.  What the what?  And then it just over the top even busier.  There were more parties and more special occasion cakes and wedding cakes and the magic hat cake with the bunny rabbit coming out the top and favors and Passover and Easter was right around the corner.  Chocolate mousse cake with layers of chocolate biscuit and a little sack of monkey mallows was the perfect treat for Passover.
6.  Why I missed your "Come Celebrate Spring" party - Are you joking me?  At this point I didn't even care about your party. Sorry Spring!  As a matter of fact, if you weren't coming to the Sugar Factory, you weren't seeing me!  
7.  Why I missed your wedding and I told you not to make me the maid of honor anyway - Yeah, that could of been the day that I got yelled at by a bride for ruining her wedding day by not covering her cake with fondant.  Yeah, I might have started drinking right after that phone call!
8.  Woohoo season's over-summer's here - You didn't get the memo, huh?  Yeah, no, June-big month for weddings.  And grooms's cakes-like the set of drums we made to match the ones the groom played!
9.  Why I never showed up for the fireworks or my suprise birthday party - A.  Was making a Louisiana Hot Sauce Bottle cake-over 2 ft. tall!  B.  Magic Hat Wacko.
10.  And again I stood you up!!  I was out of town, I swear!

And there you have it - like I was never even MIA!  Talk to you soon!